Cloudy Adulthood

Hello Baby Clouds,

It is summertime, and I cannot believe how quickly the year went. I feel as if I just wrote my last post yesterday. I have missed my readers dearly. Within the first half of the year, I have battled with finding my voice. I got so overwhelmed I decided not to write. What do I have to say? I speak to my therapist about this almost every other session. I do not find myself a person worth reading about in general. However, living as a fat femme queer WOC, I have daily experiences that I wish to share, and sometimes I wonder, am I oversharing? At this point, I can confidently say I am not sharing enough. I want you to be able to read this and learn and gain knowledge from my experiences. I want to be your online best friend, tia, prima, or confidant. How can I silently do that in the corner?

I have had to make many hard decisions—uprooting my life to move to San Diego, accepting a position that does not utilize my degrees, relinquishing my cat to the Humane Society, amongst others. These decisions weighed me down, physically and mentally. Between my multiple health disorders and personal life decisions, I feel like life has hit me in unending waves. I am reaching out between each gasp and receiving help but then somehow am sinking once again—the water enveloping me, entering my body. 

However, with these, more challenging decisions come some light. Although I am upset about leaving my friends in the Bay Area, I am pursuing my dream of becoming a social media influencer & plus size blogger. My current internship does not pertain to my dream career, but I am learning which careers not to pursue. Releasing my best friend, my cat, to the San Diego Humane Society was the best decision for both him and me. My cat will find a good home that does not have any overstimulating environmental factors, and I will find a future proper Emotional Support Dog for myself. 

All of my experiences this year are part of growing up and making adult decisions. Learning and growing through these experiences still terrifies me, but I am so lucky to experience it. 

Love Always, 

Cloudythighs

3 thoughts on “Cloudy Adulthood

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